Wonderful Life Of Cheese

The Theory of Continued Eventuality

2010-08-01T02:59:00.000-05:00

I created a theory (because I theorize when I'm bored, also I play video games, but mostly theorize) I call the "Theory of Continued Eventuality".

It's long, complex, and slightly boring, so I'll summarize it:

"If an event hasn't happened yet, it probably won't happen anytime soon."

Better explanation after the break [Chug that coffee!]

For example, we haven't had a deaf albino midget Korean 1 eyed President (yet) so it probably won't happen in a long time. It's possible for it to happen, but those damn mono-optic-minuscule-east-Asian-light-skinned-hard-of-hearing vote is hard to get!

If there's a variable with a proposed certainty (like scores of a future sports games, most stats and numbers, etc), barring catastrophic annihilation (which won't happen anyways by this theory), those can be thrown out or not counted.

It mostly applies to end-world scenarios & apocalyptic scenarios. The earth is 10,000 to 50 trillion years old [Depending on religious and scientific beliefs]. There hasn't been [or hasn't been in thousand of years depending on your religious and scientific beliefs] an end of the world scenario, so by definition of the Continued Eventuality theory, there won't be in your or mine discernible lifetime, yours or mine potentially non-existent several generations of offspring's discernible lifetime, and probably {or improbably) a long time after. It could happen some day, possibly at the hand of man(d) [... I wanted it to rhyme] or at the denature of nature, or perhaps the features of the creatures.. okay.. I'll stop.

Duke Nukem Forever hasn't been released (*tears roll down cheek slowly*) So it probably won't be released.

Now, this theory doesn't mean "It hasn't happened so it won't" It in essence means, "It hasn't happened [recently] so it won't [in your lifetime]"

The odds of an event's occurrence in relation to it's similarity to an event that has happened recently increases the event's chances of happening, therefore, the theory is thrown out

For example, if there's a skateboarder who does a 720 in a competition, it's logical to assume that there will eventually be a skateboarder who does a 900 in a competition. Physically unrealistic options (like anything above 1440) can instantly be thrown out of any assumed future event. Since nobody has done a 1080 on a skateboard, it's logical to assume nobody will do a 1440. Probability & prediction of events are always in steps.

I'm to tired to explain it in any more detail but I think you should understand it by now.

The Greatest Rapper of All-Time: Bob Dylan

2010-06-13T00:31:00.001-05:00

Hold the phone, Jay-Z. Wait a few, Saul Williams. Stand Back, Tupac. We're dealing with the big leagues here.

The Greatest Rapper of All-Time is....

Robert Allen Zimmerman.

And I'm the first person to proclaim him as such.

(Image by Stoned59 on Flickr licensed Creative Commons 2.0)

Robert Allen Zimmerman.

(Image by Paparazzo Presents from Commons CC3.0)

Better known by his stage name- Bob Dylan (I prefer Bobby D, RobAZ, RAZ, Robby Ay Zee, Big Bob D, Zimmer Man, Robert D, Dylan Dawg, Daddy Dylan, & ZIMMshot- those are the ones I came up with)

Now, before you say "HOLD THE FUCK UP HE AINT NO RAPPER" (oh, you'll say it) think about it:
Let's compare him and a rapper, then use the official definition of rapping to apply it to him.

Let's look at what make a rapper:

According to: What Makes a rapper good?

1. Voice
2. Flow
3. Lyrics

from WikiAnswers: What makes you a good rapper?

"Flow and Vocabulary"

from The Dictionary
"[Rapping is] a form of pop music characterized by spoken or chanted rhymed lyrics, with a syncopated, repetitive accompaniment"

From How to Rap
"“content”, “flow” (Rhythm + Rhyme), and “delivery”"

Okay.

Using these defenitions, Bob Dylan is a rapper. And the best one ever.

my personal idea of what makes a good rapper is someone who has the ability to take non-rhyming phrases and sing or speak them in a way in such so they appear to rhyme, say words to fit a structure that they shouldn't fit.

To me, rapping is poetry.

And Bob Dylan is a rapper. And a poet.

Before there was Tupac, before Run D.M.C, Jay-Z, and all the others. There was Bob Dylan.

Listen to a Bob Dylan album (preferably Highway 61 revisited). Think about it, and... I'm right.

DISCLAIMER: I'm right here, admit it.

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Greater? No.

2010-06-05T16:06:00.002-05:00

So. Have you ever seen that show, "Are you Smarter than a fifth Grader"? Ever seen those internet ads "Are you smarter than [Insert random celebrity name here]?" Ever wondered "Am I smarter than the average person?"

If you find yourself wondering, I've found an answer:

Click here for the complex, multi-lingual answer to the question asked in the title

(Actually. You're probably smarter than most celebrities. They're the stupidest of the morons. Except any billionaires, inventors, good musicians (aka the stuff you don't hear on the radio too often), good politicians (I made myself laugh with that one. Billy Mays' flagship product's dumbness (OXY-MORON) (I'll be forcing my terrible wordplay and puns down your puny little mind many times in the future. Get used to it) and normal people.)

Valve is awesome, EA Sports still sucks

2010-06-04T17:05:00.000-05:00

(Yes, another rant about EA Sports. Don't worry. I'll rant less about EA and more about politics, movies, and much more (You'll Figure Out Who I'm Going To Rant About Hint Hint ) But I gotta get this off my head.

DISCLAIMER: Sorry for the extensive use of links. Just follow them, they contribute to the article somehow.
DISCLAIMER 2: Also, sorry for the extensive use of metaphors.. it's a thing that I do to let my mind flow similar to a swaying ocean.. oh, yeah.)
DISCLAIMER 3: Lies are in bold.
DISCLAIMER 4: Italics & red color are to make a point. Blue or purple color are hyperlinks, dumbass.
DISCLAIMER 5: This is gonna come of as a huge endorsement of Steam & Valve software, and it is. I cannot recommend them enough. This is a completely third-party review / rant. I do not work for nor was I payed by EA Sports, Tiburon, Electronic Arts, Valve software, ect ect I shouldn't have to be telling you this.

I'll use my yogurt metaphor for those too lazy to read the below rant:

EA Sports/ Peter Moore: Plain. Boring. No-flavor. Expired. Moldy. Yogurt. With a few hairs in it. Only comes in that flavor. Strawberry flavor was here before, but it was discontinued because someone high up doesn't like strawberries. Yogurts are boxed in plain boxes with sharp edges.

Valve/ Gabe Newell: a rich and creamy blend of exotic fruits in a healthy low-fat (insert Newell weight joke here) yogurt, high in flavor with tons of additional things like chunks of things you love and more stuff. Plus the cartoons look amazing and are easy to carry.

EA sports claims they aren't making PC games for the following reasons, which I'll rebute on a point-by-point basis

* PC sports gamers are gravitating to consoles.
* The PC sports gaming market is gravitating to a downloadable model rather than a "packaged" model.
* The PC versions of EA Sports games aren't a good investment (not making enough money)
* Piracy is a major factor, which leads to the decline of sales.

There is one thing that can fix all their supposed 'problems'

Steam.

We'll get to that in a minute.

First let's look at EA's claims:

*PC Sports games are gravitating to consoles.

Okay. This is true. Why? BECAUSE YOU KEPT MAKING HORRIBLE PS2 PORTS FOR YOUR PC GAMES. If I own the only two islands on earth, and I mow people down with machine guns on Island 1, naturally, people will 'gravitate' towards Island 2.

Point 2:

*The PC sports gaming market is gravitating to a downloadable model rather than a "packaged" model.

... And your point is? This is a good thing. Read about Steam below.

This would be like a developer stating
"Graphics are getting too realistic. I just can't tell what's real and what's a video game anymore. Please tone it down."

Point 3:

*The PC versions of EA Sports games aren't a good investment (not making enough money)

.. See point 6 on Steam below

Point 4:

*Piracy is a major factor

Hmm. You make a crappy game. You Claim it has a bunch of new features, which as it turns out aren't actually in your PC Version. You charge $50 or more for it. AND YOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE ARE STEALING IT???? Football fans are used to being overcharged for things. But they're used to being overcharged for GOOD THINGS. $10 Sodas are always the best. $60 for a ticket to a game in December in freezing conditions in the snow where you can't even see the field is worth it because of "the experience" (I will never forget wearing 6 layers of clothing at my first NFL game and still being cold. But I loved every second of it)

Needless to say, Steam would address any piracy issues. Points 2, 3, and 10 below.

STEAM AND IT'S ADVANTAGES

1. Don't have to make physical copies of games, reduces costs

2. Nearly impossible to pirate ( :whistling: ), resulting in more profits

3. It's DRM, but it's not SECU-ROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, leading to less pissed off legitimate customers with messed up comptuers

4. Super easy to release bug fixes and patches

5. an Enhanced community of users, featuring tons of mods, add-ons, user-created content, and more.
(Madden on consoles just has roster updates- the PC versions are being modded by some awesome People)

6. It's very profitable: (last time i Checked, a $30 profit is slightly bigger than a $7.50 profit)

7. It's awesome, easy, and fun. (I've fallen in love with Steam even more since they upgraded the client.. it's now perfect.)

8. I've become a slave to Steam and Valve and will only get PC games using it now.

9. Hail Valve! Glorious company! (eh, how'd that get in here?)

10. It's convenient (Since it's a download only, there's no CD that i have to take time to put in, to collect scratches, or to resell on ebay which results in a lost profit)

11. Did I mention how awesome it is?

12. most Online servers hold up better than their overcrowded console counterparts

13. You can do a lot more with PC games than you can with console games (Just think about it- on the PC- you have a mouse, which lets you click anywhere, a keyboard with over 120 keys- on the console- you have a 15 or something buttoned controller)

14. Valve anti-cheat would prevent anyone from using hacks to get an unfair advantage online. (even though i don't think this is an issue in Madden- not sure though)

15. They could probably use some advanced hybrid game engine that combines the graphics and physics of the good video games with the engine we've gotten used to in Madden and other sports titles)

It's not "lack of a market", or "loss of profits from piracy" that's affecting EA...

If they use steam, all their main points against why they aren't releasing PC titles are completely invalid (substantially more profits, no piracy, huge market, ect ect)

It fully believe it's a legitimate, full out hatred for the customers by Peter Moore. Or extreme crazy laziness by Peter Moore. And I don't think it's the entire company, (from reading interviews and hearing what he says) I fully think it's solely Peter Moore (okay, not 100 percent- but still over 90 percent). He took over EA sports right after the release of Madden 08, and surprise! no more PC games. I don't understand- was he bullied as a child by Bill Gates? Or perhaps he's jealous that Michael Moore has the same last name as him and is more famous so he's taking it out on a large chunk of loyal customers? Why does he seem to have a personal vendetta against PC gamers (the people who are the *real* video game users- You don't see anyone spending $12,000 on a "gaming console", do you?).. I can't think of any logical reason reason why other than the one stated above.

A little history about Peter Moore:

* started as a P.E. Teacher (P.E. Teachers are always jerks with a superiority complexes)

*Tortured, raped, defecated on, then brutally murdered the Dreamcast and SEGA

*Worked at Microsoft and 'helped' somehow with the Xbox 360 (The way I see it.. The Xbox was an amazing machine- then they made the the sequel- which has an extremely high failure rate (over 4 times the average for home electronics)

*He then jumped ship to EA Sports once the 360 started tanking (strange.. Microsoft and the 360 have since gotten better. Coincidence? Probably. But I don't want you to think that.) where he's been driving the company into the ground as fast and with as much effort as he can.

Here's a direct quote from his blog:
"EA’s intention to lead the industry’s move toward digital has been well documented, and as we think about our commitment to creating value for consumers through digital services at EA SPORTS specifically, we’ve launched a number of new online features and products that are transforming the sports gaming experience."

Yeah, that quote would be more believable if you DIDN'T CANCEL PC GAMES. A PS3 game with online play is not a "digital service", idiot.

Let's examine some more quotes form his blog:
"It seems like only yesterday that I was involved in pioneering online sports games, and I distinctly remember being thrilled when we hit a thousand games hosted in a day. Now we’re hosting nearly five million EA SPORTS online game sessions each day worldwide"

Excuse me, but the line "That I was involved in pioneering online sports games" made me spill my coffee. And I don't even drink coffee that much. So now I want a new cup. Damn you Peter Moore! You owe me a cup of coffee! Who does this guy think he is? I'm pretty egotistical (and when I say that, I mean I'm very egotistical) but you don't hear me saying that my blog "Pioneered internet journalism" because that would be a flat out lie (I have 2 subscribers at the moment. If you're one of them, thank you. If you're not. You suck. I don't plan on using this for anything- I just like to write and need a place to rant.) EA Sports online's only good feature is that there are a lot of users sometimes. That's it. It's one of the worst online gaming experiences I've ever played. It was slow, people cheated. I've logged into TF2 at 4:11 AM and there was still almost a million people online, it's better. Let's ( I use that word alot. I also stop mid sentence to throw in something else often. Cool, Ain't it?) counter the stupidity with an equally stupid quote I made up using Peter Moore logic.

"I remember back when I pioneered the use of vacuum cleaners. My brand new vacuum cleaners which don't suck (in a literal sense) as much as they could (they do have the "proper amount of suction", though) but I'm going to pretend I pioneered the vacuum cleaner (invented in the early 1900's) with my invention because I'm on an ego-trip and yada yada yada"
-James Dyson

Let's examine a quick stat from Steam

Users online (past 48 hours):
Current: 1,759,838 peak 2,308,016

Note that there's a big difference between "Number of games hosted in a day" and "number of users online". I'm sure Steam's numbers for games hosted in a day are over 5 million.

Looking at stats for just Team Fortress 2, there's 34,000 rounds played, and that's just on the most popular map (those stats can also be misleading since there are some servers that have a constant round going, so 1000 users playing for 10 hours would be represented by 1000 users playing 1 round- Can't say the same for EA. Plus, the stats i just quoted are from a single game, where EA's stats are from an entire library of games

Speaking of stats, Nobody can look a person straight in the eye and truthfully say there's no market for PC games, when Steam alone has 25 million active users, a number which grew 25% from a year ago.

The only metaphor (that's a lie, I can think of many more metaphors, but I figured you've had enough of my over-used metaphors, but there are some more) I can think of to apptly describe this situation is a Politician who gets elected president, then hears some bad things from an opponent, then decides (after getting voted into office) that he doesn't want to be president and resigns, but then continues campaigning for a non-existant future campaign.

EA sports doesn't care about the customers, plain and simple. Meanwhile, Valve has actually put game content that was directly built by game users into their own games.

As a side note, you can always tell on a blog who's the most honest or open. People the require you to log in or register to post comments are not as trustworthy as those who let anyone comment. the entire EA-sports website: Forced to register

(This blog will always have open to anyone comments- but I have to have the image verification thing to prevent spam.)

Straight from the mouth of the barnyard animal, some nice information.

EA Sports: "PC Games to come back in 2009"
(News flash, Madden 11 is in development over 2 years after that announcement and we haven't heard a word about PC games. They flat out lied.)

Who would you rather have leading your billion dollar gaming industry:

This Guy (Gabe Newell)
(He looks nice, kind of like my uncle. My Uncle's awesome. This guy's awesome.)

or

This Guy (Peter Moore)

(I'd say he almost looks like a Bond villian- but that would be too much of a compliment. Anyways, that's a face hellbent on world domination.)

EA Sports (And when I say "EA Sports" I mean Peter Moore, Ian Cummings, and Donny Moore) are lazy. . How many times has the title Run Blocking Improvement appeared on the Madden developer blog? I stopped counting in 2007.

More specifically, when I say "and when I say "Ea Sports" i Mean Peter Moore" I mean the Tiburon division of EA sports, and I mean the group of people who make the Madden series. I was baffled when I played Head Coach 09 (developed by EA Tiburon) and it actually had realistic stuff like scouting, contract negotiations, practice squads, off-season rosters- you know, things you'd expect from "The most realistic football game ever" yet for some reason NONE OF THESE FEATURES ARE IN NOR HAVE EVER BEEN IN THE MADDEN FRANCHISE. Why aren't any of theese things in Madden? It's Lazyness, isn't it? Yep. The other divisions of EA have made some solid sports games.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is what EA sports needs to do.

1. Fire Peter Moore, and everyone who's worked on Madden the past 7 years. (I do realize that Peter Moore is the top of the company for EA sports meaning he won't get fired by anyone above him- but Electronic Arts still has command over the whole damn thing and could get rid of him)

2. Use Steam (Please don't try and make your own digital distribution.. because it's just gonna suck compared to steam)

3. Cancel the exclusivity deal with the NFL (If you have competition- you have bigger motivation to innovate)

4. Admit your mistakes in the past, Man up, and make a solid football video game. I (and I think the public) would be fine with not having a Madden game released in 3-5 years so you can spend time working on a good, detailed game. Throw away everything you have and work from the ground up. Make something new, not just a polished version of the game you made last year. More people would buy and like your games if they had replay value beyond a year of a franchise or two.

5. LISTEN TO THE CUSTOMERS. (I cannot stress this enough. Google Search "Madden Wishlist' and throw in everything you find.)

I'm being super serial here, It's not Electronic Arts' (the parent company) fault, they release a lot some of the best PC games. It's EA Sports' fault. And the head of EA Sports, the man who caused all this, is Peter Moore.

I don't want to blame everything ENTIRELY on Peter Moore, because he isn't the complete cause of the downfall (The exclusivity deals were done before he got there.. Those killed sports video games in the effected genres), But I certainly can blame him for driving what was once a good company into a deep dark hole.

The people before him might have bought the shovel, but Peter Moore is still digging.

Perfect Movies I've Seen: The Best of the Best

2010-06-03T01:25:00.002-05:00

These Movies are the best movies ever made (that I have seen). If you don't like these movies, you are an idiot. I cannot recommend these films enough. If you watch them, you will not be disappointed.

All these movies are "Perfect" in my book, meaning there isn't a single thing that could have been done to make them better, they are at the best you can possible get.

DISCLAIMER: These are not "The best.. of all time" these are simply "the best I've seen" Big difference. I've seen a lot of movies though, so yeah....

Here's my list: (some I analyzed, some I didn't)

* 300 (I don't care what you think- Zach Snyder is awesome and this movie is awesome. This is the only good Gerard Butler movie I've ever seen.)

* 9 (An animated film produced by Tim Burton that makes Nightmare Before Christmas look like Bob the Builder- This is the best Non-Pixar animated film ever created. Also features John C. Reilly's best performance in any movie- it even tops Talladega Nights)

* Amadeus (The single greatest biopic of the single greatest musician ever)

* Bean (This film changed the way I perceive humor)

*Big Fish (Tim Burton's so good he's nearing God-like status)

*Black Hawk Down (narrowly edges out Saving Private Ryan as best combat war movie)

*Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (My lungs still have spit & blood in them because I laughed so hard.)

*Brüno (Just like Borat- But funnier, edgier, and OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING PENIS!)

*District 9 (Words cannot describe this film....)

*Doubt (Meryl Streep + Amy Adams + Philip Seymour Hoffman = The best drama released the past decade)

* Forrest Gump (And now we have Tom Hank's best movie)

*Frost / Nixon (Why isn't Ron Howard ruler of the universe yet?)

*Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood. Is. Bad. Ass. So. Bad. Ass. That. You. Will. Speak. Words. In. Single. Sentence. Form. To. Add. Drama. To. The. Review.)

*History of the World: Part I (Mel Brooks is so funny you'll be forced to learn a new laughter technique so you don't die while watching his movies)

*Hot Fuzz (Simon Pegg. Nick Frost. Edgar Wright= the word "EPIC!" doesn't do it justice)

*Hotel Rwanda (here's a movie that will make you cry like a baby)

*The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (No film has been directed as fluidly and perfectedly (is that even a word? I don't think so, but I don't care) as this movie, and each scene is golden and wonderful. Everyone who ever wants to make a movie must be required to watch this film.)

*In Bruges (existantialism was never so funny)

* Inglourious Basterds (QT owns)

* Jaws

*Little Miss Sunshine

*Lord of War

* Mallrats

*Memento

*Miracle (I don't even like hockey but I loved this movie)

* Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Undisputedly the Funniest Movie Ever Made. If you disagree, you are flat out wrong.)

*Office Space (Mike Judge's first and best movie)

*Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl (i didn't really care for the other Pirates movies, bu tthis one was solid throughout)

* Religulous

*Requim for a Dream

*RoboCop

*Rocky Balboa

*Saving Private Ryan

*Schindler's List

*Sherlock Jr.

*Shooter

*Shrek (every sequel was horrid)

*Slam (the best indie film you'll ever see)

*Spaceballs (Mel Brooks again)

*Star Trek (2009)

*Star Trek: First Contact

*Star Wars

*Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

*Terminator 2: Judgment Day

* The Bucket List

*The Departed

*The Graduate

*The Hammer

*The Hangover

*The Kid

*The Lord of the Rings trilogy

*The Man with Two Brains (Steve Martin's best movie)

*The Meaning of Life

*The Notebook (the only chick-flic I'll admit to voluntarily viewing)

*The Shawshank Redemption

*The Soloist

*The Terminator

*This is Spinal Tap

* Toy Story

* TRON

* Up

* V for Vendetta

*Walk the Line

* Wall E

*Watchmen

*Wayne's World

*Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

*And Now for something completely different

Movies that I Removed from the above list after thinking for a minute:

*Eagle Eye (Maybe I'm the only one- but this thriller starring that kid from Even Stevens was really really good)

*Fight Club (As much as I love this movie, They ruined the ending)

*The Dark Knight (Maggie Gylenhaal & Christian Bale keep it from being perfect)

*Top Secret!

The Worst U.S. President: William Henry Harrison, Not George W. Bush

2010-05-22T00:19:00.003-05:00

George W. Bush Isn't the worst united States President. No matter what people think of him or say, that title is taken, sealed, and will most likely forever go to one man: William Henry Harrison

Mr. Harrison, How could thy fail us so much?

Before we got to Harrison, Let's look at common criticisms of Bush and show how invalid they are.

"He's the worst president of all time"
This case is completely invalid. No matter how bad you think he did, He cannot hold that title.
Why? Because it's already held. Enter William Henry Harrison. The Ninth and Worst president of the United States of America. He will always hold this title. Even if someone takes office, suspends the constitution, and turns us into a totalitarian dictatorship, William Henry Harrison will still be the worst president of all time. Why? He was only president for 32 days. He did just one official thing during his presidency, and that was call Congress into a special session to help him decide something. One thing. He got a cold on inauguration and died a month later.

Even if you think George W. Bush is the worst president of all time, You are wrong. No single president (unless a president lasts shorter than 32 days) will ever be worse than William Henry Harrison. It's not physically possible.

That being said, A President [for this point, we're be referring to pretty much all presidents in general] can also not be the best president of all time. With one exception (which will never happen): If there was a president who achieves a 100 percent approval rating, takes the US out of Debt or gets employment percentage up to 80 percent. None of those things can ever happen in the Modern US. Even if a future president is the most popular ever, there will still be someone who undoubtedly hates them for no reason other than they have opposite political parties. The top 10 presidents of all time list are already filled (To be fair about, let's just say if you see them on a coin or a dollar, they're in the top 10). Logically, George Washington is the greatest president of all time, simply because he was the first- to quote David Letterman "George Washington is the only president that didn't blame the countries problem's on the previous administration"

Quick things to consider before making one or multiple rash judgements:
(And I'm not gonna list sources for these things because I know they are correct. Feel free to look them up yourself if you don't believe me but I won't lie to you.)

*W. may have had the lowest approval rating among any president ever, but he also has had the highest approval rating among any president ever.

*Presidents who start wars generally tend to be more unpopular than presidents who don't start wars.

*Bush was the first President during the surge of the Internet Era- People on the Internet are often misinformed, stupid, and mean. (Myself discluded)

Anyways, moving on.

Second Point.

"He's a mass murderer. He needs to be charged for war crimes! He's sending off all these soldiers to die!"

another one that if you think about it for half a second, makes no sense whatsoever. Now, this argument would have A LOT more merit if the US still ran a draft and it was the Vietnam war or something. But the thing is, the United States Military is 100 percent, completely Voluntary. Not a single person is forced to join against there will. Any President [If they bring back the draft- consider this entire point completely invalid] who declares war is not sending soldiers off to die. These soldiers know the risk of joining the armed forces, and choose to join anyway. If they don't want to get sent off to die they don't have to. Also, a president's motive for sending soldiers to war is not "to kill the soldiers" but more "to defend the country". I'm 99.9 percent sure that they don't teach you how to die in the military- I'm pretty sure they teach you ways not to die. Regardless of a Commander In Chief's motives or logic in starting a war- they believe they are acting in the best interest of the country (some idiots would argue they aren't but those idiots are idiots and their claims shall be promptly ignored and ridiculed)

Third Point.

"He's soo dumb! my retarded cousin is smarter than him"

this is a flawed logic. If you assume that Bush is dumb, it is likely because he isn't the best public speaker (In fact, he's nowhere close). To show how flawed this logic is, I will apply it to a non-president.

Steven Hawking cannot speak well. Therefor, he must be stupid.

Case-in-point:
If you think someone is stupid because they cannot speak well, you not them, are idiots, dumb, stupid, retarded, ect ect ect.

CONCLUSION:

I'm not going to explicitly tell you where I rank W.- other than he's not the best and he's not the worst. (Washington and Harrison respectively). But here's a better analysis:

I (Nor anyone else albeit those henceforth listed) am not qualified to make these judgements.

Only 5 people right now should be able to judge a president:

1. Jimmy Carter
2. George H. W. Bush
3. Bill Clinton
4. Barrack Obama
5. George W. Bush

If anyone explicitly gives you their opinion on a president and they are not one of those 5 people, then they are unqualified.. Those 5 people know what it's like to be POTUS and only they should have the authority to criticize past, future, and present presidents. I don't know this for a fact- Because I've never been president- but there's (with any job- especially in government) a lot of stuff happening that the public doesn't know about. Being President is probably the most stressful job on the planet (To see how it can affect you see before and after presidency pictures of Bush, Clinton, & Carter).

Also, Since most people put their own political ideology in their analysis of a president, it makes it much harder to judge. For example, If you poll conservatives, they're more likely to put Reagan ahead of Kennedy, while non-conservatives might do the opposite.

DISCLAIMER:
Okay, yes, I realize, I ranked presidents in the first two paragraphs then later said only former or current presidents should be able to judge former or current presidents. However, It's proper and normal for individuals who are not Presidents to criticize Historical presidents (defined by me as Presidents who were in office over 100 years ago or more). The only president's I'm explicitly ranking are William Henry Harrison & George Washington. The Worst and the Best. There is no argument about it- nobody will ever be better than Washington (until they invent time travel and someone becomes the first president before the first president became the first president) and nobody will ever be worse than Harrison (unless someone spends fewer than 31 days in office and makes less than 1 political action). My conclusion is simply that people who say Bush (or any president besides WHH) is the worst president have a fundamental misunderstanding of presidential history and overtly biased stance.

I'm not advocating a particular political stance here. Rather I'm using unbiased logic and simple truths to point some things out to people. I'm not a Republican and I'm not a Democrat. I'm an Independent. I get my ideology from a little bit of both sides, and I don't let other people think for me. I think for myself. Some of my views may be liberal. Some may be conservative. But Fuck you, They're my views and I'm standing by them until the day I die. I'm not some weak-minded person who will flip-flop or take a stance because someone on TV tells me to. This is who I am. If you don't like it. Too bad. I Ain't Going away very soon. This is the beginning of things to come.

Analaysis of All those Silly Animated Shows- Family Guy, South Park, & More

2010-04-15T16:12:00.003-05:00

This was originally going to be a blog post simply entitled "Family Guy VS South Park" Featuring me making claims about both shows- to sum it up; I was going to say something along the lines of "Who says it has to be one show VERSUS another? They run in different time slots. You can watch and enjoy both shows."

Nevertheless, after seeing episode 200 of South Park (do not see it unless you are an avid south park watcher- too many in jokes would leave the casual watcher confused. But if you're like me and have seen the majority of South Park episodes, then this episode is a treat for long term viewers, it includes references and in jokes dating back to season 1 and covering just about every base) I don't think I could write a "Family Guy VS South Park" post and have it come out as neutral as I wanted it to originally be.

So instead, I’ll just summarize all the "crude and profane" cartoons on TV (and by TV, I mean FOX and a few shows on comedy central- I don't watch anything else)

UPDATED 7/31/10: Spruced it up a bit.

KING OF THE HILL-

Sadly, all good things must end. FOX (who has historically been great at cancelling good shows- see Arrested Development, Terminator: SCC, 24, Prison Break, ect ect) made a stupid decision.
Seth McFarlane- creator of Family Guy and later American Dad- wanted to create a spinoff show featuring the character Cleveland (See below), and there was no room in the FOX "Animation Domination" Sunday lineup. Since they were not going to cancel Family Guy again or American Dad and the Simpsons will probably last as long as Matt Groening is alive- they were left with the decision to cancel King of the Hill.

King of the hill was different. Unlike South Park, Family Guy, and most other cartoons aimed at ~~stoners~~ adults, King of the Hill was family friendly. While it did have some episodes that dealt with subjects not as family friendly (like the episode where Hank and Peggy have sex in a bathroom on a train) it was extremely tame compared to the others. This is why it worked. It was believable, realistic, and just about every episode left you with that "Awwww..." feel good feeling that you get every time you see a cute puppy. [Not just the cute puppy, but the type of puppies so cute that Terrorists see them and get blood thirsty.]

Series creator and star Mike Judge really is a genius- but then again- so are Groening, McFarlane, Parker, & Stone. I think the show failed to get viewers more recently because it's timeslot had it right before the other AD shows, and the people who tuned into that expected more of "in your face straight up lots of jokes" thing more than a "This might make you think or teach you a lesson" that KOTH had. While the earlier seasons (mainly seasons 1 through 4) where much funnier than the more recent episodes, each episode was still enjoyable to watch. The final season picked up on some of the slack and delivered one of the best finales I have ever seen on any TV show.

The major problem: Although the vast majority of shows (especially animated ones) do not do this, I was a little disappointed that they did not progress the characters age that drastically. Episode one Bobby is a young, naive boy, and he is still the same 13 years later.

The Simpsons

Possibly the greatest thing ever- even eclipsing sliced bread (What's the big deal?) - is the Simpsons. The Simpsons movie remains one of the funniest animated movie's I’ve never seen (not number one- sorry, but Neal Peart's drum solo of life from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie really eclipsed that movie to pure gold). No show has had as much of a cultural impact as the Simpsons. It is the longest running non-news related show... ever.

This show is older than I am.

How many TV shows can you think of that were around when you were born that are still airing?

I am surprised whenever I catch a new episode of the Simpsons on how funny it still is. It is in season 20 million or something like that.

The major problem: See major problem on KOTH above. Bart should at least be in middle school by now. Although, maybe it is a good thing: I will never forget what "Rugrats: all grown up" did to my mind. It killed something.

Family Guy

Family Guy is pretty damn funny. Nevertheless, the thing about it, it tends to be kind of hit and miss. Some episodes have you on the floor laughing and crying, and some have you throwing a brick at the TV (Haven’t you heard, about the word? Oh, you haven’t. Well that's a good thing. Everyone Knows. But please, for the sake of your sanity, don't find out!) I feel at times they are simply trying to throw in as many cultural references and jokes as possible (If you've seen the "Cartoon Wars" episodes on South Park, you'll know what I’m talking about). Family Guy does however, often, and some people don't recognize this, have a lot of smart humor. Sometimes it's hidden, and most of the times the average viewer doesn't get it, but the writers put those jokes in as a treat for those who think. The best episodes often involve much more plot structure and story, while the worst episodes just seem like a bunch of jokes poorly strewn together. It's still a brilliant satire and overall a funny show- and the writers seem to know when to push the annoyance lever and when to cool down on it.

American Dad

American Dad is done by the same people who do Family Guy. I describe it as "Family Guy, but with characters you don't like, less randomness, and more actual structure". It's more consistent than Family Guy, but often less funny. I seem to like the main characters of AD more than the Main characters of family guy, but the side characters (Roger and Klaus especially) are more annoying than funny. One thing I noticed when watching the past season is each episode centered around a different main character-, which worked really well. I don't think this would work on Family Guy, because nobody wants to watch 20 minutes of Meg. Really. Not even members of the "Meg Fan Club". (Which Actually Exists...)

The Cleveland Show

I think Stewie's statement in the opening of the pilot sums up this show pretty well, "What the Devil? Why is he getting his own show?". When I heard there was going to be a spinoff of Family Guy, I was happy- you know- we could learn more about one of the funnier characters such as Quagmire or maybe Brian or even Stewie. But they completely and utterly failed that by picking the least funny character on the show- Cleveland. I watched the premier episode. It was atrocious. And not the normally, "well, I didn't laugh" kind of bad, but the "I actually hate myself for letting me watch this" feeling you get. Quite possibly one of the worst animated shows I have ever seen- scratch that- ever made. Every time I see the trailer for a new episode, I cringe. It's just horrible. Sadly, FOX renewed it for season 2, and it will probably last at least 4 seasons.

Sit Down, Shut Up

Most of you probably haven't heard of this show. FOX moved it around so many times, then cancelled it after four episodes, then let them finish airing the first season. I don't know it's current status (I'm assuming it was cancelled for good) but you can catch reruns after The Wanda Sykes show on Saturday Nights.

This show was something special. It had a great cast (basically, all the funny people from SNL over the past 4 years), great writing (some won't agree with me on that point- I call them idiots- I mean, "comedicly challenged" people who have been brainwashed to think that jokes are just random things happening)

I think the review on the IMDB Page entitled "What's it like to be under appreciated...by FOX?" sums it up well:

Futurama

Here's a premise. Let's take the Simpsons. Let's change ever characters name and attribute. Let's set it in the future- in space. Let's not make the people yellow. This is the genius thinking that lead to Futurama. It is what I'll describe as the Simpsons "Funnier, Cooler, Younger brother". It works because it's made by the same people who made the Simpsons, only with a different premise. A much funnier premise. And Did I mention they're not all yellow? Oh, I did...

For a while, the show kind of died, until several direct to DVD movies brought it back to life (just watch the first one- the other ones are forgettable at most).

Really though, if you ever think "I'm gonna spend 4 months of my free time and watch every single episode of the Simpsons" just watch every episode of Futurama instead. It's better. It's funnier. It's isn't as culturally relevant, nor has it been around as long. Putting it in an analogy, the Simpsons are a NES and Futurama is the PS3. Powerful, Shocking, Funny- And I'm just talking about Bender. Well, Not so much powerful and shocking but more funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, you'll laugh till you're reminded of Monty Python and then that'll make you laugh more and then you can't breath because your laughing so hard and oh God call an ambulance I can't breath.

And what's this, SHOCK! Enjoyable, funny side characters! I'm appalled! This has never been done before! How could they dare do it!

Overall, Futurama has more Jokes-Per-Minute (Defined in an equation below) than any other show that I've watched.

Number of laughs (L) =Number of Jokes (J) *Roughly .8
Run time (R)= 22 minutes

so, L= (J)*0.8^R-7.2+34/7=...

Fuck math, Futurama is funny.

South Park

South Park still to this day remains the most accurate depiction of third and fourth graders in the history of television. I think it went so well because really, there was nothing else like it at the time. Each Season is different in its own way. Season 1, and most early ones, central around jokes and concepts that were so bizarre and random, that you just had to laugh. It has morphed over the years, and is taken shape more recently as a "let's quickly make an episode and parody/ satire / mock a recent news story"- but it doesn't always follow this trend. The best season is without question season 10, and the more recent seasons (particularly 13 and a few episodes so far in 14) have relied more on gross out humor (An element that's always been there) then on actual satire or content. But real viewers of the show will dismiss the profanity & Gross out humor (HINT: It's there as a buffer for the stupid people), South Park- through and through- is the best socio-political commentary in existence. Giant Douche? Or Turd Sandwhich? What's the difference?

One thing that has impressed me that makes this show different is every episode is written by the series creator's Trey Parker and Matt Stone (you know, the guys from BASEketball). They take input from producers and writing consultants, but in the end- the main idea for and usually the majority of the funny moments come from Parker or Stone's mind. The Simpsons has a writing staff of about a gazillion people. Family Guy certainly has a large staff as well. Only 3 people have ever written a South Park episode, Parker, Stone, and this one guy who's name escapes me who helped out in early seasons. Although recently, it seems Matt Stone hasn't been much involved (at least he hasn't been directing or writing- I don't know any behind the scenes details so I can't comment on that.) which I think has hurt the show recently.

I watch South Park because I know it's going to be entertaining. Some episodes aren't as funny as others- it's nowhere near as consistent as Futurama- but generally- the good episodes are pee your pants funny and the bad episodes are still really funny.

The Great War has begun. We're all doomed.

2010-03-27T14:47:00.002-05:00

You must pick a side. This isn't possible, and You'll be killed for not choosing. You'll be killed for choosing. Either way, You're dead.

"The End Has Come. And it is here. We are all doomed unless we take a side." - an unnamed prophet

"Desire is irrelevant. I am a machine." -Terminator 2: Judgement Day

"Ohhh, look honey, our boy's a genius! He's rigged a pully system so he can eat sausage and work on his stupid drawings." - Freddy Got Fingered

World War Three has begun. And it's not what you think. This isn't Muslims versus Jews. This isn't Communists versus Free Thinkers. This isn't Russia versus whoever was stupid and drunk enough to take those crazy bastards on. This isn't the United States and Canada vs Everyone else. This isn''t Saint Kitts and Nevis against versus the Pitcairn Islands. This war is much more important.

This war will determine the fate of 6.5 Billion people.
That's over 20,000 innocent people!

Some wars will be fought with sticks. Some will be fought with guns. Some will be fought with nuclear weapons.

World War Three is fought with something much, much, much worst.

And the thing is, nobody nows it's a weapon.

If you're in the know you know by now what I'm talking about.

World War III is not fought with conventional weapons.

This war is fought with...

... Cuteness!

That's right. I'm talking about Pandas. Versus. Dolphins.

Some of you won't take me seriously.

In fact, the vast majority of people refuse to take a side.

they use excuses like "I don't care about animals"
or "They're both too cute to decide!"

And that's what I'm talking about.
They're both too cute to decide.

Too cute.

To Decide.

Let me give you some brief history:

In 1918, a simple, well meaning person came up with a great unanswerable question, "Which do you prefer, Dolphins, or Penguins?"
This question changed the fate of humanity as we know it.
The man couldn't answer the question.

the Dolphins knew they were the cutest.
The penguins knew they were the cutest.
The first global interspecies war had just begun, but nobody knew.

Dolphins grilled the man for answers. He said he could not choose.

It was impossible.

the Dolphins grew angry.

The Penguins questioned the man as well.
Despite their peaceful nature, the penguins were the first to make a move.

They kidnapped the man's wife. They held a gun to her head and asked the man again.
"PENGUINS. OR DOLPHINS."

"I... I... I. Just can't answer that!" the man responded, crying.

"Then that settles it." The penguin pulled the trigger.

The dolphins made a counter attack.

They started asking people the question as well.

They murdered whoever didn't answer, which was everyone they asked.

Soon the Dolphins began fighting against the people, and the penguins. The war was just getting bloody.

In the end, 50 million people died.

But nobody knew about it, because of the greatest conspiracy ever created.

a couple thousand people died of the flu around the same time of the dolphins penguins war, and the Spanish government created this whole "Spanish flu" thing to cover it up.

But in the end, the dolphins won using brute force.

...

Most people forgot about the penguins vs dolphins war, but a few key people remember.

Those people gathered in a secret place for a secret meeting this past week.

People have already begun asking the question.

"so which are cuter, pandas, or dolphins"

This is the question that will doom humanity.

The experts agree. The war has begun. There's no stopping it now.

The only way to survive is to pick a side.

Your life depends on it.

choose a side. pick one right now. dolphins. or penguins. stick to it, and you may survive.

I will not reveal my pick, for i don't want to come of as preachy.

But do your research and pick wisely. You never know what will happen.

But know this.

The great war has begun.

We're all doomed unless we take a side.

Peyton Manning is a Robot

2010-03-25T12:09:00.002-05:00

Peyton Manning is a robot. Actually, every Indianapolis Colts quarterback the past 13 years is a robot. Each season, every Colts QB gets a new system upgrade.
In 1998, Manning 1.0 came out. The system was good, but it had a 71.2 quarterback rating, the P-Manning5000's worst season ever. Each off season, the head coach (who's really a mad scientist/ genius/ engineer) installs an operating system upgrade on each Colts quarteback. Some Units are more responsive than others. The P-Manning5000 is very responsive each season and keeps getting better. Some models such as the SorgitronXKC9 or the HeftyLeftyXXXL are just responsive enough to put up respectable backup numbers. But most of the other QB's don't work well with the new operating systems and get shipped to a new team under the control of a new mad scientist/ genius/ engineer. Lately, the SorgitronXKCO has been the main backup. Despite never being used, the SorgitronXKCO tends to break down quit a bit and required extensive repair, so it was released to go back up P-Manning5000's adoptive little brother Eli. The newest model- an experiment simply named PAINTTHIS- had to be tested before use. They developed it in 1985- when P-Manning5000 was still learning new programs as a small computer in a dark basement. In 2003, the University of Purdue bought the PAINTTHIS model- which was considered very risky at the time. He had not yet proven himself, and programmers worried there could be some unforseen issue. Purdue didn't worry, but they gave the PAINTTHIS a year to adapt to it's new surroundings. Adaptive AI was a new thing at the time and they wanted it to work well. Ironically, PAINTTHIS- who's nickname is "Curtis Painter" majored in computer graphics technology- or at least that's what Purdue wants you to think. Instead of studying, he spent all that time studying other robot quarterbacks, keeping an eye on the development of P-Manning5000. PAINTTHIS eventually did well in college- setting a Motor City Bowl passing record- but due to a glitch in programming, had trouble winning important games. This concerned most NFL coaches/masterminds/evil scientists but the newest coach/mastermind/evil scientist to reach the scene was named Jim Caldwell. Dr. Xavier James Caldwell III- or Jim Caldwell as he goes by to most- was an unheard of scientist who trained under the tutelage of Dr. Anthony Kevin Dungy Sr.- the engineer responsible for the valuable upgrades applied to P-Manning5000 each year. Jim had heard about the experimental PAINTTHIS back in the 90's. He decided to take that risk, and drafted "Curtis Painter" in the 6th round of the 2009 NFL draft. Early in the season, SorgitronXKCO broke down and P-Manning5000 needed a new backup. Enter PAINTTHIS. The Robot-led Colts started out 14 wins ZERO losses.. one of the best seasons in NFL history. Surely they wouldn't need to worry about winning the final two games. So near the end of each game- they played PAINTTHIS. The results were awful. The fatal glitch that caused it to loose important games came through at just the wrong moments. They lost those remaining two games, but made it to the Superbowl. Even when the game was sealed at the end and the Robots had lost (Drew Brees is a pseudonym for JOHN CONNOR) Dr. Caldwell refused to play PAINTTHIS again to risk embarrassment. So the season concluded. All the NFL fans, experts, commentators, thought that the Colts had a terrible rookie backup quarterback named Curtis Painter. What they didn't know won't hurt them. Dr. Xavier Caldwell is working with Dr. Anthony on fixing that fatal flaw, and soon- once the P-Manning5000 becomes unresponsive to upgrades- the PAINTTHIS model will rise to glory. This is not a prediction, this is an accurate portrayal of the secrets of a winning franchise.

People are so fucking stupid.

2010-03-23T14:13:00.001-05:00

People these days are stupid. Let me rephrase that. People these days are FUCKING STUPID. Still haevn't gotten my point across.

PEOPLE THESE DAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID.

I think that gets the point across. There are too many dumb people in this world. I'm not just talking about "I didn't know who the 24th president is without looking it up" dumb, but "I didn't know Canada was a country" dumb.

When there are a lot of dumb people- bad things happen. Dumb people are easily persuaded by yelling and shouting, so whoever's loudest gets through to them. Let me be loud now:

LEARN SOMETHING. ANYTHING. READ A BOOK. ANYTHING. JUST DON'T BE THAT DUMB.

On an episode of "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" (which i was forced to watch by a friend who said it's "Funnier than it ever was" (even though it never was funny in the first place.)) Jay had the cast of "Jersey Shore" on the "Celebrity Jeopardy" segment. Thankfully, they weren't as dumb as they appear to be (when i hear about that show, along with bands like the Jonas Brothers- i can't stop thinking- "this is why the terrorists hate us") But they were still absolute idiots. The fact that these idiots- idiots so dumb that even mentally retarded people say "they're stupid"- have their own show- bothers me greatly. I see the decline in America with every passing day. People are getting dumber and dumber. Mike Judge's masterpiece "Idiocracy" is beginning to look like a documentary. I worry for the future of not just America, but the world in general. These dumb people are going to grow up. These dumb people are going to do things like vote and go into politics and take care of the elderly. Sadly, these idiots are our future.

We need to do something to take our future back. We need to smarten up. Take Back the future by taking back now.

The 8 Worst Movies of 2009

2010-01-12T17:12:00.000-06:00

I saw plenty of movies in 2009, and while most of them were good, some of them were downright awful.

8. Year one (To quote a film critic on Rotten Tomatoes "Year Endies" award. .. "This movie has more incomplete joke setups than........." )
7. 17 again (I already hated Zach Effron, and this movie put the nail in the coffin)
6. Race to witch Mountain (Dear Dwayne Johnson, please go back to Pro Wrestling and change your name back to The Rock)
5. Aliens in the Attic (Awful awful awful. Too many lame jokes, and it's a PG, which makes it worse)
4. Blood Creek (Joel Schumaker"Shitmaker" (the guy who ruined Batman)'s latest film- Nazi Vampires.. need i say more)
3. Sorority Row (had all the impressions of a shitty thriller movie- and well, it was!)
2. cirque du Freak: the vampires assistant (The only movie i saw that physically pained me to watch. I had to watch. after watching, i called up John C. Reily an punched him through the phone)
1. Drag Me to Hell (the whole definition of awful. What i dont' get why people liked it so much. 92 percent on rotten tomatoes means 92 percent of film critics are fucking retards.)

well, look forward to 2010's worst movies.

EA sports sucks

2009-05-23T17:23:00.000-05:00

Okay. 5 years ago, EA-sports was amazing. Madden NFL 2004 was the greatest football game out, and all the other games were pretty cool. Then they started getting lazy. They've removed more features from the Madden series then they've added (I'm talking about the PC version here) then completely dumped the game. They've dumped the majority of the PC Games from the market, and they basically just do a PS2 port of a game anyways. They claim it's due to marketing, but they should learn some basic economics. You'll make more money if you charge less for a product because more people will buy it. If they charged 5-10 bucks for a brand new EA Sports game instead of 50, they would sell much better and the PC market would be revitalized.

Also, it isn't just their PC games. They make games for iphone now. Most of them suck and are rarely updated. If you have an ipod touch/iphone, go to the app store, search EA SPORTS and click on each app and check out the user feedback. Sure there are (idiots) who say "5 out of 5 stars! GREATEST GAME EVER!" But again, those are idiots. The reviews that actually mention something Are about 80 percent non-favorable reviews (3 stars or less). All EA iphone games (With the exception of Lemonade Tycoon) are not free. I own 1 (Scrabble) which was really cool for a while, but then they updated it and now it doesn't work for me.

Basically, EA needs to actually listen to their customers. They currently aren't doing that.

Another little thing is, i've been keeping track of the development blog for madden 2010. They say "Everything you see in a real NFL game, you'll see in Madden". I find that extremely hard to beleive due to the insane amount of possibilities that can happen in an NFL game. When madden 2010 comes out, i'm going to get it on 1 system or another, and i'll post my full list of complaints about it then.

19 Horrible Movies That I've Seen

2009-04-22T16:37:00.002-05:00

Ever Seen a movie so bad, It's funny?
Have you ever seen a movie that was so awful, you were in physical pain at the end of the movie?
How about that time you saw a movie were you had a seizure because of the massive overload of color on the screen? If that last one is true, you probably saw Speed Racer. There's a movie that tried a little to hard, and it really got to it. Here are the worst movies I've seen, In order from worst to not as bad as the worst but still pretty bad.

Disaster Movie (negative 3 out of 10)
Lady in the Water (0.4 out of 10)
Meet the Spartans (2.2 out of 10)
Napoleon Dynamite (2.5 out of 10)
The Happening (2.9 out of 10)
Drag Me To Hell (3.0 out of 10)
Kazaam (3.2 out of 10)
Batman & Robin (3.8 out of 10)
George of the Jungle 2 (4 out of 10)
Superman IV (4.1 out of 10)
Epic Movie (4.2 out of 10)
Scary Movie 2 (4.8 out of 10)
American Pie Presents: Beta House (5 out of 10)
The Master of Disguise (5 out of 10)
Freddy Got Fingered (5 out of 10)
The Ring Two (5 out of 10)
The Cat in the Hat (5.2 out of 10)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (5.2 out of 10)
Speed Racer (5.3 out of 10)

And I normally enjoy most movies I see. I rate the average movie between 7 and a 10 out of 10. These movies were downright awful.

DISCLAIMER: I can't actually say these are the worst movies ever made, simply because I haven't seen every movie ever made. These are, however, the worst movies I've seen out of thousands.