Peyton Manning is a robot. Actually, every Indianapolis Colts quarterback the past 13 years is a robot. Each season, every Colts QB gets a new system upgrade.
In 1998, Manning 1.0 came out. The system was good, but it had a 71.2 quarterback rating, the P-Manning5000's worst season ever. Each off season, the head coach (who's really a mad scientist/ genius/ engineer) installs an operating system upgrade on each Colts quarteback. Some Units are more responsive than others. The P-Manning5000 is very responsive each season and keeps getting better. Some models such as the SorgitronXKC9 or the HeftyLeftyXXXL are just responsive enough to put up respectable backup numbers. But most of the other QB's don't work well with the new operating systems and get shipped to a new team under the control of a new mad scientist/ genius/ engineer. Lately, the SorgitronXKCO has been the main backup. Despite never being used, the SorgitronXKCO tends to break down quit a bit and required extensive repair, so it was released to go back up P-Manning5000's adoptive little brother Eli. The newest model- an experiment simply named PAINTTHIS- had to be tested before use. They developed it in 1985- when P-Manning5000 was still learning new programs as a small computer in a dark basement. In 2003, the University of Purdue bought the PAINTTHIS model- which was considered very risky at the time. He had not yet proven himself, and programmers worried there could be some unforseen issue. Purdue didn't worry, but they gave the PAINTTHIS a year to adapt to it's new surroundings. Adaptive AI was a new thing at the time and they wanted it to work well. Ironically, PAINTTHIS- who's nickname is "Curtis Painter" majored in computer graphics technology- or at least that's what Purdue wants you to think. Instead of studying, he spent all that time studying other robot quarterbacks, keeping an eye on the development of P-Manning5000. PAINTTHIS eventually did well in college- setting a Motor City Bowl passing record- but due to a glitch in programming, had trouble winning important games. This concerned most NFL coaches/masterminds/evil scientists but the newest coach/mastermind/evil scientist to reach the scene was named Jim Caldwell. Dr. Xavier James Caldwell III- or Jim Caldwell as he goes by to most- was an unheard of scientist who trained under the tutelage of Dr. Anthony Kevin Dungy Sr.- the engineer responsible for the valuable upgrades applied to P-Manning5000 each year. Jim had heard about the experimental PAINTTHIS back in the 90's. He decided to take that risk, and drafted "Curtis Painter" in the 6th round of the 2009 NFL draft. Early in the season, SorgitronXKCO broke down and P-Manning5000 needed a new backup. Enter PAINTTHIS. The Robot-led Colts started out 14 wins ZERO losses.. one of the best seasons in NFL history. Surely they wouldn't need to worry about winning the final two games. So near the end of each game- they played PAINTTHIS. The results were awful. The fatal glitch that caused it to loose important games came through at just the wrong moments. They lost those remaining two games, but made it to the Superbowl. Even when the game was sealed at the end and the Robots had lost (Drew Brees is a pseudonym for JOHN CONNOR) Dr. Caldwell refused to play PAINTTHIS again to risk embarrassment. So the season concluded. All the NFL fans, experts, commentators, thought that the Colts had a terrible rookie backup quarterback named Curtis Painter. What they didn't know won't hurt them. Dr. Xavier Caldwell is working with Dr. Anthony on fixing that fatal flaw, and soon- once the P-Manning5000 becomes unresponsive to upgrades- the PAINTTHIS model will rise to glory. This is not a prediction, this is an accurate portrayal of the secrets of a winning franchise.
In 1998, Manning 1.0 came out. The system was good, but it had a 71.2 quarterback rating, the P-Manning5000's worst season ever. Each off season, the head coach (who's really a mad scientist/ genius/ engineer) installs an operating system upgrade on each Colts quarteback. Some Units are more responsive than others. The P-Manning5000 is very responsive each season and keeps getting better. Some models such as the SorgitronXKC9 or the HeftyLeftyXXXL are just responsive enough to put up respectable backup numbers. But most of the other QB's don't work well with the new operating systems and get shipped to a new team under the control of a new mad scientist/ genius/ engineer. Lately, the SorgitronXKCO has been the main backup. Despite never being used, the SorgitronXKCO tends to break down quit a bit and required extensive repair, so it was released to go back up P-Manning5000's adoptive little brother Eli. The newest model- an experiment simply named PAINTTHIS- had to be tested before use. They developed it in 1985- when P-Manning5000 was still learning new programs as a small computer in a dark basement. In 2003, the University of Purdue bought the PAINTTHIS model- which was considered very risky at the time. He had not yet proven himself, and programmers worried there could be some unforseen issue. Purdue didn't worry, but they gave the PAINTTHIS a year to adapt to it's new surroundings. Adaptive AI was a new thing at the time and they wanted it to work well. Ironically, PAINTTHIS- who's nickname is "Curtis Painter" majored in computer graphics technology- or at least that's what Purdue wants you to think. Instead of studying, he spent all that time studying other robot quarterbacks, keeping an eye on the development of P-Manning5000. PAINTTHIS eventually did well in college- setting a Motor City Bowl passing record- but due to a glitch in programming, had trouble winning important games. This concerned most NFL coaches/masterminds/evil scientists but the newest coach/mastermind/evil scientist to reach the scene was named Jim Caldwell. Dr. Xavier James Caldwell III- or Jim Caldwell as he goes by to most- was an unheard of scientist who trained under the tutelage of Dr. Anthony Kevin Dungy Sr.- the engineer responsible for the valuable upgrades applied to P-Manning5000 each year. Jim had heard about the experimental PAINTTHIS back in the 90's. He decided to take that risk, and drafted "Curtis Painter" in the 6th round of the 2009 NFL draft. Early in the season, SorgitronXKCO broke down and P-Manning5000 needed a new backup. Enter PAINTTHIS. The Robot-led Colts started out 14 wins ZERO losses.. one of the best seasons in NFL history. Surely they wouldn't need to worry about winning the final two games. So near the end of each game- they played PAINTTHIS. The results were awful. The fatal glitch that caused it to loose important games came through at just the wrong moments. They lost those remaining two games, but made it to the Superbowl. Even when the game was sealed at the end and the Robots had lost (Drew Brees is a pseudonym for JOHN CONNOR) Dr. Caldwell refused to play PAINTTHIS again to risk embarrassment. So the season concluded. All the NFL fans, experts, commentators, thought that the Colts had a terrible rookie backup quarterback named Curtis Painter. What they didn't know won't hurt them. Dr. Xavier Caldwell is working with Dr. Anthony on fixing that fatal flaw, and soon- once the P-Manning5000 becomes unresponsive to upgrades- the PAINTTHIS model will rise to glory. This is not a prediction, this is an accurate portrayal of the secrets of a winning franchise.
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